How To Get Ahead In Life (humor)

    1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
    2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
    3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
    4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
    5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
    6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
    7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
    8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
    9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
    10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
    11. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
    12. I am at one with my duality.

    13. False hope is better than no hope at all.

    14. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

    15. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
    16. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
    17. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
    18. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.




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